What your teen really wants from you

What your teen really wants from you is for you to listen and understand them. This blog explains how your teenager’s mind works and what they really want from you. Including helpful tips, resources, and NLP exercises to help you shift your perspective and improve communication with your teen.

Why are you here?
I’m guessing it is because you’ve either reached the end of your tether with your teen? Or you want to make sure you’re supporting them in the best way you know how? Or even BOTH? 

Hopefully this blog will help you to start making some progress towards understanding what your teen really wants from you.  

Meeting their physical and emotional needs
I have been working closely with teens and their parents for some years now, both one-to-one and in groups, in both an education setting and in their own personal space. I have seen the effects that a teens’ education and mental health is having on their daily lives.  

I’ve worked with teens and young people with high anxiety, anger, low self-esteem and confidence, dyslexia and ADHD and they all have one thing in common and that is to have their basic physical and emotional needs met and feel fully supported in a way that they feel in control of their own lives! 

How a teenagers mind works
Firstly, in understanding what your teen really wants from you, I want to give you some background on how a teenagers and young persons mind works, so that both you and your teenager can better understand why they do the things they do. 

It is important to be aware of where your teenagers brain development is at, which makes it easier to understand their behaviour and thought processes.

As a result your teenager may seem incredibly grown up and sensible one minute and then the next seem completely illogical and impulsive. Almost like they’ve been replaced by aliens. 

Brain development
Between the ages of 0-7 is the key stage of a child’s positive brain development, where they form their early belief system. Children are like sponges they take in everything that goes on around them.

The next development phase is when they hit puberty, this is different for each child, but in general it’s around 11-12 years of age, and continues until the mid 20’s. 

As adults our pre-frontel cortex is fully developed allowing us to think rationally, understand consequences, solve problems and control our impulses.  Before the age of 25, we rely heavily on our ‘amygdala’ to solve our problems and make decisions. This part of the brain is associated with our emotions, impulses, aggression and instinctive behaviour. 

Supporting teens and young people
Having spoken and supported many teenagers and young people over the years I am here to support you, to support them.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I got it massively wrong with my step-son. When he turned into an alien overnight I didn’t understand, I didn’t even try to. I let my ‘EGO’ get in the way (The EGO is a whole topic all on it’s own and one I support parents with in my coaching).

I didn’t change my parenting style to adapt to his needs and as a result we disconnected for far too long and if I could go back and do it differently, knowing what I know now, I would!

There are a few key things that your teenager wants from you

• For you to keep them safe. This is the number 1 basic need of all humans. They want you to remind them of the dangers with love and kindness instead of judgement and frustration.
• To show them love and support even when they’re in alien mode.
• To know you’re on their side and haven’t forgotten how tough those teenage years are.

But, the biggest thing your teenager or young person wants from you is… YOUR EARS!!!!

Yes, that’s right. The biggest thing they want from you is for you to listen, and I mean really listen. Listen to understand, not to reply, lecture, tell them they’re wrong.

Listen and Understand, without judgement
They want you to step back into their world and listen as if you’re there with them, sitting alongside them whilst they navigate this difficult and confusing time. To accept who they are, not what you think they are or want them to be. 

They want to be heard and respected for having their own opinions in life. They want your FULL attention when they speak about what’s going on for them. They want to know that you GET IT and can see things from their perspective.

How to gain a better perspective
In this video I teach you a great NLP exercise that will help you to see another persons point of view in any given situation. Gaining better perspective can build confidence in all areas of your life, be it your relationships with your partner or kids, or in the workplace with colleagues or employees.

Meet them where they are

As adults we judge situations through our adult brain (the pre-frontel cortex) but in order to be fully present and connected with your teenager, you need to go back and meet them where they are – Why am I repeating this? Because it’s the key to staying connected.

The teenage years are about standing beside them and using a gentle hand to guide rather than leading them from the front like you would a younger child.

Let your teenager lead the way. Keep communication light and flowing. Remember the teenage years through their eyes not yours as an adult. 

Want to learn more?

For more useful resources sign up for my mailing list. Sign up now.

or check out some of my other blogs

How to improve your relationship with your teen? 

How NLP can help Teenage Anxiety

How to gain better perspective

Get in touch

If you have any further questions please call: 07968381793 or email faye@fayecoxcoaching.co.uk