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Anxiety and Me

Anxiety and Me

by | Nov 17, 2020 | Uncategorized

Recently, I have suffered with a strong bout of anxiety. Due to a couple of events happening that have been accumulating to create the anxiety I experienced. Most people who generally don’t suffer with anxiety or recognise their own anxiety think that anxiety looks like chaos. They think it tends to be when people are acting chaotic, all over the place and up in the air or loud, but this is so often, not the case at all.

There are those who suffer and it shows externally and those who suffer and become withdrawn as a result and hide it internally.

When there’s too much going on

For me, there has been a lot going on recently with family, running a business, working with vulnerable teenagers, being a mum, being a wife and juggling the whole thing. Over the last month, I’ve been up and down from the hospital to see my dad who had major surgery. The journey to the hospital was an hour and then another hour back. My visiting times, a couple of hours at a time two or three times a week. This has been both mentally and physically exhausting. Even though you don’t think about it at the time, you get on with it and do what you’ve got to do.

On top of that, I’ve been trying to keep things as normal as possible. I’ve been doing a huge amount of work on myself and I have been investing in myself and my business heavily since the beginning of this year.

Working with vulnerable teenagers

I’ve been working with vulnerable teenagers since last September and sometimes that can be very challenging, although extremely rewarding. In the last month things have started to really get on top of me. My self-care hasn’t been as good as it should be, because I’ve been working on so many other areas.

Well this week. My dad came out of hospital after a month and the relief, as you can imagine, brought its own anxieties and emotions. Along with that, I made a mistake at the college, which ordinarily in isolation wasn’t that bad, but where everything else has been going on my mind decided to take this mistake, blow it massively out of proportion, get myself in a place where I was in tears. I got really emotional about it and couldn’t see the wood for the trees.

I went into college the next day, and I totally withdrew. I’ve taken time to recognise the fact that I was in this place of anxiety and to recognise how my anxiety affects me and how I deal with it around others. This is the first time I have fully been aware of my behaviour when in a state of anxiety, but as a result I can deal with it better using the techniques and strategies I have in my Coaching and CBT toolbox.

Recognising my own anxiety behaviours

I realised that I totally withdraw. I become very quiet, loud noise is something that I just can’t deal with. I can’t tolerate people talking about other people or bragging about themselves. I get super sensitive and I totally shut down anything external whilst I’m dealing with what’s going on inside my head.

Now this used to last for weeks or months until I worked out my own strategies for dealing with it.  I now use the ‘accept, allow and let go’ strategy.

Firstly, I accept that I’m in this emotion and I have this feeling and this is what’s going on. I don’t try and fight it anymore. I accept it. I then allow myself. 24, hours to have the feeling, be comfortable with the feeling and work out how to separate the facts of what’s happened from the emotions I’m feeling.

After I’ve done that, I then make sure I go and do something for myself, whether it’s going to the gym and going for a run. I find running is great for me It just gets rid of all that negative energy.

Sometimes it’s whilst I’m running and sometimes it’s after, and if there is something particularly going on I will cry for the next few days for what feels like no reason at all, but this is my body’s way of getting rid of all the negative energy that I’ve been storing up.

After that. I’m ready to go again. And by doing that, I am able to let go so much quicker than I used to.

Talking about the taboo

If I’m completely honest, If you’d asked me years ago if I suffered from anxiety I would have told you DEFINITELY NOT. I never would have admitted that I suffered from anything let alone something that people consider a taboo subject.

I truly believe that everybody suffers with anxiety, at some point, in some form, to some level. It’s just whether we recognise that that’s what it is, whether we’re ready to accept it, and whether we’re ready to put the strategies in place in order for us to manage these feelings and be able to deal with them and move forward.

So, with that in mind, please remember that somebody may be suffering right now. Somebody may have withdrawn. Somebody may be very quiet. Somebody may be the complete opposite. Because the opposite to that is that somebody may become louder than usual. They may become more erratic. You may feel like they’re just seeking attention. This is all part of how they’re feeling and how their anxiety may have taken hold. Some people feel a stronger need for control, as they don’t feel in control of their thoughts and emotions, so they project externally on to others.

They may not even recognise that’s what’s happening to them. So be kind. If somebody that you know, somebody you work with, live with, are friends with is showing either of these signs or emotions, just check in with them. Find out if they’re OK. Offer them someone to talk to.

I had somebody at the college this week, who I get along very well with, we understand each other really well and we know when something’s not quite right and she’s been amazing. This week, she’s checked in on me. She’s made sure I’m OK. She’s given me a bit of a talking to. The same talking to the I would give her if she was in the same situation.

We all need support

We all need support and sometimes that support comes from people that you don’t necessarily expect it to straight away.

We all need to look after each other, be more open with our own feelings and what we’re going through, because you will be surprised where that support may come from.

If you feel like you might need help with anxiety, if you need some strategies and techniques to help you manage it, I’m always happy to have a chat.

I offer a 30-minute clarity call where I can give you a strategy straight away to help you begin to manage those more difficult days.

Please don’t suffer in silence.

Book your call here

Overcoming Your Fear

Overcoming Your Fear

by | Mar 31, 2020 | Tips

Do you want to become the most incredible, unstoppable version of yourself?

Then the answer is to overcome your FEAR. Your fear is what’s holding you back. Your fear is what is making you less capable and less formidable. And your fear is what’s taking away from your happiness and fulfilment.

It’s time we destroyed fear once and for all and unlocked our full potential!

Fear keeps us frozen and prevents us from moving forward. We are naturally risk averse which means we’d rather cling on to what little we have rather than go forward to win the big prizes.

To get around this, we can borrow some concepts from stoic philosophers and formalise them into a process that anyone can use to get over their crippling fears.

The process goes like this:

1.First, identify the goal or thing you would like to change. Let’s say you want to quit your job and start your own business.

2. Next, write down all the things you are afraid of and all the things that could go wrong. First, your partner might think you are irresponsible, and they might leave you. Second, your new business might fail and you’ll be left with debt. Third, your house might get repossessed. Fourth, you might end up vagrant. Fifth, your friends might laugh at you. Sixth, it might all go to plan but you find you hate your new position even more. You get the idea!

3.Now score each of those things on how realistically they are to happen. Would your partner really leave you? It’s unlikely unless there are problems in your marriage to begin with, so we can give that a ‘2’. Would you end up destitute or would you find another job, even if it’s a step down from what you were doing before? Give that one a ‘3’.

4.Next: do these things really matter? Score them 1-10. If your friends judge you… who cares? They will be judging you based on their own fears anyway.

5. Now, you’re going to go through that list again and you’re going to write down all the ways you could cope with the things that go wrong. These are your contingency plans and the things that you could do to cope. For instance, if you ended up broke you could get benefits, you could dip into your savings, you could ask your parents for help, you could take on a part time job. If your partner left you, you could still fulfill that dream of travelling the world.

6. Then go through the list one more This time, write down all the ways you can mitigate the risk so that it is less likely to happen. Worried about getting into debt? Then write a business model that doesn’t involve a big upfront expense and bootstrap your way to success. Worried about leaving your job? Then start your business in your free time first.

Now you’re going to do something else: you’re going to think about the worst-case scenario if you don’t follow through with your plan.

It might be that you end up stuck in a job you hate. That one day you’ll be 80 years old and you’ll look back on your life and feel that you never made anything of it. That your body and your mind atrophied from lack of challenge or experience.

What’s worse? I know how I’d feel!

Focus on what we discussed in the section on stoicism: bad things will happen. You can’t possibly avoid all bad things happening.

Meanwhile, you are only responsible for your own emotions. You can’t make everybody happy all of the time, so don’t even try. People pleasing is a total waste of time and does more harm than good, but that’s another subject for another day. What you need to focus on is accepting this reality and then just doing what you need to for your own emotional and psychological well-being.

How others react to your decision is up to them. But you can’t let that define your actions.

You can’t hold on to things just the way they are. You can’t prevent bad things from happening. All you can do is live life to its fullest and richest right now. That’s why you have to take those chances.

If you need any help releasing your FEARS, this is something I do with all my clients. You can book a FREE 30-minute clarity call with me here. You can also come and join us in The Positivity Hub facebook group.