How NLP can help Teenage Anxiety

How NLP can help Teenage Anxiety

How NLP can help Teenage Anxiety

NLP can help Teenage Anxiety: NLP helps teenagers experiencing anxiety to gain change old thought and belief patterns and create new ones.

NLP helps teenagers experiencing anxiety to gain access to the unconscious mind, change old thought and belief patterns and create new ones. Ones that will support us to thrive in all aspects of life.


What is NLP

Firstly you may be wondering what NLP is and until I started my own research into Young People’s behaviour I was wondering the same thing.

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming and is the study of human thought processes. The language that we use to communicate our ideas and emotions as well as the behaviours we present based on our individual programming and unconscious mind. 

NLP helps teenagers experiencing anxiety to gain access to the unconscious mind, change old thought and belief patterns and create new ones. Ones that will support us to thrive in all aspects of life.


Why is NLP Important?

Our entire life depends on the way we think and act and we do this in relation to our unconscious mind which is filled with thoughts and beliefs from the very moment we are born.

Not only does this affect us, but we also pass this programming down to our children in the way that we communicate and interact with them.

NLP will help you and your teenager to become aware of those thought patterns, recognise the behaviours that present as a result and will allow you to create new thoughts and behaviours as a result.

Watch my YouTube video for Five Quick Tips to Change your Thoughts. 


What causes teenage anxiety?

Our teenagers can develop anxiety for many different reasons, such as:

  • Exam stress
  • Feelings that they are failing at school
  • Being bullied at school or online
  • Changing schools
  • Moving home
  • Lack of movement such as exercise
  • Feelings of isolation
  • Failing tests or exams
  • Conflict between parents
  • Feelings of not being good enough – the need to be perfect
  • Injury
  • Illness
  • Feeling unloved
  • Abuse
  • Death of a loved one
  • Sibling rivalry
  • Lack of confidence
  • Constant worrying about the future
  • Conflict within friendships
  • Comparing themselves to their peers
  • Feeling big and new emotions
  • Feelings of detachment from family and friends


As you can see there are a lot of things that can trigger anxiety in our teenagers and as a result, as parents we need to be looking out for the signs that our teen may be experiencing teenage anxiety.

As we learn these signs we are better equipped to support our teenagers when things get tough.

As time goes by you will be able to pick up on their anxieties a lot quicker and be ready to help and in turn they will recognise the signs sooner themselves and will be more comfortable asking for your help.


How to spot the signs of teen anxiety

To help, here are some of the signs that your teenager may be experiencing anxiety

  • Constantly worrying about things that haven’t happened yet or that may happen.
  • A rapid heart rate
  • Breathlessness or shallow breathing
  • Hot flushes or even feeling unusually cold
  • Sweating
  • Shaking
  • Feelings of dizziness
  • Lack of motivation
  • Clinginess to either or both parents or caregivers
  • Regular nightmares
  • Feelings of irritability and mood swings
  • Lack of self-esteem and confidence
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Unable to relax
  • Reduced interest in school or other activities they usually love
  • Lack of focus
  • A dip in cognitive abilities(unable to think clearly or be able to do simple tasks)
  • Compulsive behaviours which appear when their anxiety presents itself

NB: These symptoms can also run alongside a medical condition so it’s always best to get any medical conditions ruled out by a GP.


Create a safe space for your teen

When your teenager is experiencing anxiety it can be tough on all the family and the key to being able to support them is by understanding where it comes from and open up communication with them so that they feel safe.

Our number 1 need as a human being is to feel safe in any given moment. So when they are experiencing anxiety, ask yourself ‘Do they feel safe?’ if not, create a safe space for them so they can de-escalate.

A teenager who is escalated through a big emotion is not going to be in a place to talk about their feelings until they feel safe and ready.

Don’t take it personally if they aren’t ready at that moment to share. Creating that safe space will mean more than you realise.

Whilst creating that space where your teenager knows you are ready to allow them to be seen and heard. It’s always a good idea to refrain from using words like:

  • You should
  • You have to
  • You must
  • Just relax
  • You’re just thinking negatively
  • You’re just overthinking things as always
  • It’s all in your head
  • You worry too much


    NLP techniques for Teenage Anxiety

    Try some of the following NLP techniques. Not all techniques work for everyone, so I always suggest a few. 



    A great way to use NLP is in practicing Affirmations. Affirmations are a powerful tool to use with young people.

    They can help to support them in rewiring their negative thoughts about themselves or a situation, and relieve their anxiety around them.

    I use these when I’m working with young people, and I see some fantastic results. I have even created my own deck of cards inspired by the common issues that I see every week. See my online shop

    These affirmations influence the unconscious mind in a positive way. I always recommend that you choose ones that are most relevant to what is going on for your teenager at that time.

    Put these affirmations somewhere they will see them each and every day, on their mirror, in their lunch bag, as an alert on their phone. There are lots of ways you can use these positive unconscious statements.

    For example: we can reframe their negative thinking about an exam, by switching sentences such as ‘I am going to fail’ into ‘I am going to give it my best shot’ or ‘I always do my best and today that is what I’m going to do’.

    As parents we can support them by watching our own language. Both with our teenagers but also with ourselves.

    Remember they look to you for guidance, so if you’re speaking negatively to yourself then you are showing them to do the same and then reframing will become harder. 

    How are you currently speaking to yourself and how can you change so that  you are modelling the behaviour you want to see from your teenager.


    The ‘As If’ technique

    This is a good NLP technique for supporting your teenager as it uses their imagination and even in those teen years their imagination is still strong and we can tap into that.

    If you find that your teen is unable to calm themselves down, firstly take them through a couple of breathing exercises (more on that in my next technique).

    Once they are feeling calmer and ready to accept suggestions, ask them what it would be like if they were able to do, feel or have what they needed? How would they feel once they are able to move past the fear and achieve the desired outcome?

    Ask them to tap into their sense of feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling and even tasting. This will support them to alter their emotional state and ease those feelings of anxiety.

    It allows them to imagine how things could be if they allowed themselves to see the situation in a more positive way.



    Now this one is the simplest of all techniques, but it’s so underestimated especially by our young people.

    If we can teach our teenagers the power of their breathe in any given moment and how it allows them to bring themselves back from the anxiety that is driving them to the present moment where there is nothing to fear.

    One of the simplest breathing techniques is the 4, 4, 4, 4 box breathing which I use regularly. It’s as simple as slowing down the breathe and counting to 4 as you breath in, hold your breathe for the count of 4, then breath out for the count of 4 and hold for the count of 4.

    Quite simply repeat until you are back in the present moment and your heart stops racing and you can regulate yourself. This can take some time and that’s OK.

    This is always my go to and one that my own kids use when they feel any kind of fear or anxiety. We breathe together for as long as it takes.

    This helps you to create that safe space that I was talking about earlier.

    Breathing with them in this way creates connection and within that place of connection your teenager will feel safer and more ready to talk about what their worry feels like.


    Grab your Free Anxiety Resources

    I hope you have found this article useful in understanding how NLP can help teenage anxiety.  And that you feel able to implement some of these techniques with your teenager and even yourself.

    There are many other NLP techniques that can be used when dealing with teenage anxiety and you can find out more of these by grabbing your FREE Anxiety resources 

    Visit my Online Shop

    Order a copy of my Teen Anxiety Journal and Self Love Affirmation Cards especially designed for tweens and teens. 

    Get in touch

    If you have any further questions please call: 07968381793 or email faye@fayecocoaching.co.uk

    5 Tips to Change your Negative Thought Patterns

    5 Tips to Change your Negative Thought Patterns

    “Change your thoughts to change your life!”


    Now you might be surprised at how often during the day you focus on a negative thought. The average person has 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. So it’s no surprise that this can get out of hand pretty quickly.

    The best thing you can do to stop negative thoughts, is try and become more aware of those times that you are thinking in a negative manner.

    Your life is a reflection of everything you have programmed into your mind over the course of your life up until now. You have been programmed, every second of every day from the very minute that you are born. You’re being programmed with both your internal thoughts, and your external thoughts. Those internal thoughts are the ones that drive you. And in a nutshell, you are what you think you are.

    thought reflection

    Now your unconscious beliefs and thought patterns, literally shape the whole world around you, each and every second. Much like a broken record, your thoughts get stuck on what your problems are. And you can then lose the ability to break out of this negative cycle. This never ending cycle becomes your way of life. So you literally think yourself into creation. This then becomes the song that you sing, and the dance that you dance when you’re stuck in a cycle of despair. When we’re stuck in this cycle, all we can really do and all you’re actually really doing is expanding the presence and giving more power to that despair. You’re tightening its grip on you until it gets to a point where your mind is controlling you, when what we want to do is we want to totally flip it so that you are in control of your mind.

    That brings me nicely on to my five quick tips to help you change your thoughts – You can watch the video here!

    Tip 1 – Is to identify those automatic negative thoughts that keep coming up again and again. Because your thoughts are directly linked to your feelings and your behaviours as a result of those feelings. So, your thoughts influence how you feel, which influences how you behave, so listening and writing down your negative thought patterns can help increase your awareness. The very first step to anything we do is becoming more aware and writing things down so we’re getting them out of our minds and onto paper. It’s one of the simplest but most effective ways that we can bring these thoughts in to your awareness. So list down those thoughts that keep coming up for you, just simply write them down.

    Tip 2 – Is explore the cause of that negative thought process or pattern. These could even relate to your childhood. This could be stuff that has been programmed from such a young age, potentially from your parents. Your parents have always wanted to protect you so there will be certain things that they would have said to you when you were younger, such as, don’t talk to strangers, we all get taught stranger danger when we are younger and that keeps us safe, and it’s really really important to know that as children. But as we enter our adult lives and we start to go out and about and we start to meet new people, we start a new job, we’re in business and go networking or we’re wanting to build a wider circle of friends, we have to start getting comfortable with talking to people we don’t know. And this completely goes against that belief that we have been taught not to speak to strangers. And there’s so many different things like that, so we need to catch these thoughts to become aware of them to explore where they come from.

    Tip 3 – Is to keep a record of those negative thoughts and try and come up with words or phrases that counteract it. So if we go back to where we might say you can’t do something. In my house, I teach my children not to use the words, I can’t, because the evidence shows that every time they tell themselves they can’t do something, there will have been another time when they have said it and proved themselves wrong and this happens every time, so now we use ‘I’ll give it a go‘ because let’s face it, how do we know if we can do something or not, unless we give it a go. I don’t tend to use the words I’ll try because I find that a bit wishy washy. But if I say to myself or my children say to themselves, I’ll give it a go. It makes you feel good, it’s an empowering kind of statement, it totally changes your state, and how you feel about something than saying, I can’t.

    believe in yourself

    Tip 4 – is to use a tool such as NLP, or affirmations to help you think more positively. Now, through my series of videos, all of the videos that I create, are all to do with using my coaching and NLP techniques so if you subscribe to my You Tube channel to watch all my other videos, you’ll start to learn a lot more of these techniques to help you create more success in life but also to help you change the way you think and start believing in yourself more. List at least 10 negative thoughts that you’re having a day. This takes a little bit of time but as does everything. If you want anything to change. You have to practice. Repetition Repetition Repetition, the brain loves repetition. Now turn those thoughts on their head and creating a statement that better supports you .

    Tip 5 –  is chunking or breaking large amounts of information down into smaller pieces. Now sometimes our negative thoughts can be big thoughts they can be those ones that are ingrained from years and years of that negative repetition. And in order to reframe them and change them into a more positive, we may have to chunk them down. It’s like with any goal or anything that we’re trying to achieve, if you try and deal with something that is too big, all in one go. You’re going to get to a point where you’re banging your head against a brick wall, you’ll feel like you’re failing and can’t do it It sends you into overwhelm, so rather than carrying on and dealing with it. You give up. So, pick that bigger thought apart into smaller ones and deal with those smaller ones. Once you’ve done that you can chunk it back up, so that you can see the bigger picture of what it was that’s going on.

    Practice these tips often until it becomes so natural that you can do it automatically in minutes. Use a journal to help if needs be. I have my own personal journal that you can purchase here.

    Faye Cox CoachingBELIEVING IN YOU UNTIL YOU DO TOO! If you’d like some support so you too can start believing in yourself, you can have a chat with me here

    Faye Cox

    Anxiety and Me

    Anxiety and Me

    Recently, I have suffered with a strong bout of anxiety. Due to a couple of events happening that have been accumulating to create the anxiety I experienced. Most people who generally don’t suffer with anxiety or recognise their own anxiety think that anxiety looks like chaos. They think it tends to be when people are acting chaotic, all over the place and up in the air or loud, but this is so often, not the case at all.

    There are those who suffer and it shows externally and those who suffer and become withdrawn as a result and hide it internally.

    When there’s too much going on

    For me, there has been a lot going on recently with family, running a business, working with vulnerable teenagers, being a mum, being a wife and juggling the whole thing. Over the last month, I’ve been up and down from the hospital to see my dad who had major surgery. The journey to the hospital was an hour and then another hour back. My visiting times, a couple of hours at a time two or three times a week. This has been both mentally and physically exhausting. Even though you don’t think about it at the time, you get on with it and do what you’ve got to do.

    On top of that, I’ve been trying to keep things as normal as possible. I’ve been doing a huge amount of work on myself and I have been investing in myself and my business heavily since the beginning of this year.

    Working with vulnerable teenagers

    I’ve been working with vulnerable teenagers since last September and sometimes that can be very challenging, although extremely rewarding. In the last month things have started to really get on top of me. My self-care hasn’t been as good as it should be, because I’ve been working on so many other areas.

    Well this week. My dad came out of hospital after a month and the relief, as you can imagine, brought its own anxieties and emotions. Along with that, I made a mistake at the college, which ordinarily in isolation wasn’t that bad, but where everything else has been going on my mind decided to take this mistake, blow it massively out of proportion, get myself in a place where I was in tears. I got really emotional about it and couldn’t see the wood for the trees.

    I went into college the next day, and I totally withdrew. I’ve taken time to recognise the fact that I was in this place of anxiety and to recognise how my anxiety affects me and how I deal with it around others. This is the first time I have fully been aware of my behaviour when in a state of anxiety, but as a result I can deal with it better using the techniques and strategies I have in my Coaching and CBT toolbox.

    Recognising my own anxiety behaviours

    I realised that I totally withdraw. I become very quiet, loud noise is something that I just can’t deal with. I can’t tolerate people talking about other people or bragging about themselves. I get super sensitive and I totally shut down anything external whilst I’m dealing with what’s going on inside my head.

    Now this used to last for weeks or months until I worked out my own strategies for dealing with it.  I now use the ‘accept, allow and let go’ strategy.

    Firstly, I accept that I’m in this emotion and I have this feeling and this is what’s going on. I don’t try and fight it anymore. I accept it. I then allow myself. 24, hours to have the feeling, be comfortable with the feeling and work out how to separate the facts of what’s happened from the emotions I’m feeling.

    After I’ve done that, I then make sure I go and do something for myself, whether it’s going to the gym and going for a run. I find running is great for me It just gets rid of all that negative energy.

    Sometimes it’s whilst I’m running and sometimes it’s after, and if there is something particularly going on I will cry for the next few days for what feels like no reason at all, but this is my body’s way of getting rid of all the negative energy that I’ve been storing up.

    After that. I’m ready to go again. And by doing that, I am able to let go so much quicker than I used to.

    Talking about the taboo

    If I’m completely honest, If you’d asked me years ago if I suffered from anxiety I would have told you DEFINITELY NOT. I never would have admitted that I suffered from anything let alone something that people consider a taboo subject.

    I truly believe that everybody suffers with anxiety, at some point, in some form, to some level. It’s just whether we recognise that that’s what it is, whether we’re ready to accept it, and whether we’re ready to put the strategies in place in order for us to manage these feelings and be able to deal with them and move forward.

    So, with that in mind, please remember that somebody may be suffering right now. Somebody may have withdrawn. Somebody may be very quiet. Somebody may be the complete opposite. Because the opposite to that is that somebody may become louder than usual. They may become more erratic. You may feel like they’re just seeking attention. This is all part of how they’re feeling and how their anxiety may have taken hold. Some people feel a stronger need for control, as they don’t feel in control of their thoughts and emotions, so they project externally on to others.

    They may not even recognise that’s what’s happening to them. So be kind. If somebody that you know, somebody you work with, live with, are friends with is showing either of these signs or emotions, just check in with them. Find out if they’re OK. Offer them someone to talk to.

    I had somebody at the college this week, who I get along very well with, we understand each other really well and we know when something’s not quite right and she’s been amazing. This week, she’s checked in on me. She’s made sure I’m OK. She’s given me a bit of a talking to. The same talking to the I would give her if she was in the same situation.

    We all need support

    We all need support and sometimes that support comes from people that you don’t necessarily expect it to straight away.

    We all need to look after each other, be more open with our own feelings and what we’re going through, because you will be surprised where that support may come from.

    If you feel like you might need help with anxiety, if you need some strategies and techniques to help you manage it, I’m always happy to have a chat.

    I offer a 30-minute clarity call where I can give you a strategy straight away to help you begin to manage those more difficult days.

    Please don’t suffer in silence.

    Book your call here

    Is It Really Possible To Think Yourself Happy?

    Is It Really Possible To Think Yourself Happy?

    Believe it or not, it is within your power to create positive thoughts allowing you to accomplish anything you set out to do.

    Can you really think yourself happy?

    The answer is a qualified YES. Here are the ways in which positive thoughts can help you accomplish so many things in life.

    Positive thoughts give positive results. We can either accept our situation, or we can change it. We can be negative about an event or we can be positive. President Lincoln once said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

    If you really want to think yourself happy, then make up your mind to do so. It may be difficult to think happy in a world filled with hatred,violence, stresses and anxieties. But it’s definitely not impossible. One person, one idea, one positive thought can change everything.

    How, then, can we make ourselves happy?

    By being a constant reminder to others that there is goodness in the world!

    Here are 12 examples of way we can create our own happiness;

    * Seek out positive people to associate ourselves with.
    * Expose yourself to all the wonderful books, music and movies available.
    * Find the one important thing in your life that’s important, and pursue it.
    * Show kindness and respect towards others.
    * Live life as if every day is your last.
    * Use positive reinforcement wherever and whenever you can.
    * Use visualization methods to view the positive aspects of life.
    * Speak in a positive tone.
    * Gain control over your negative thinking patterns.
    * Let your expectations reflect your positive attitude.
    * Allow peace of mind to engulf you.
    * Become your own best friend.

    Your happiness is not the responsibility of your parents, friends, partners or children. Your happiness is your responsibility. You are the creator of your own life.


    If you need any help creating better, healthier thoughts, behaviours or emotions to move yourself towards success you book your FREE Discovery Call or take a look at the services we offer here. Using the FLOAT system we take our clients from Chaos to Calm in both life and business and help you to create the success you deserve.

    Are You Feeling Overpowered By Stress?

    Are You Feeling Overpowered By Stress?

    Unfortunately, there are many times in our lives when stress creeps in and causes great angst.  Life is busy and work, kids, school and responsibilities can seem overwhelming at times.

    74% of UK adults have felt so stressed at some point over the last year they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope.

    81% of women said this compared to 67 percent of men. 83% of 18-24 year-olds said this compared to 65 percent of people aged 55 and over. (Source: mentalhealth.org.uk)

    Do you feel that your stress is getting you down? 

    Here are some tips to help deal with stress and its after-effects.

    Stress has become a major cause of anxiety and panic attacks.  If not dealt with, it can have an incapacitating effect on your life.  More often than not, most people with A-type personalities are prime candidates for stress induced symptoms.  The perfectionism they seek in everything they do never quite measures up to their expectations. This is not a perfect world; and it’s time those who live in it realize they aren’t perfect either, and nor should they be.

    Most people deal with stress in different ways; either they ignore the initial problem which caused it; retreat within themselves or fall apart. However, those who recognize the signs nip it in the bud before it completely takes over.  Using simple exercises can relieve the onset of stress.  For example: While sitting at your desk at work, breathing exercises can bring you back to a calm state.  Going outside for some fresh air also helps.

    Walking or running for 20 minutes can release endorphins which relieve stress. Listening to classical music lowers the blood pressure and brings calm within.

    Sometimes, however, stress reveals itself in other ways.  Light headedness, an inability to focus, feelings of pressure and palpitations are all symptoms of stress.  Moreover, continued stress can produce anxiety, panic, and the fight or flight syndrome.  Here is one such case of how stress can simply overwhelm and, in some cases, debilitate.

    A secretary was called into her administrator’s office, which was quite large and comfortable. As she was taking dictation, she suddenly found it hard to breathe; began to lose focus; and a queasy feeling in her stomach emerged.  She could no longer concentrate and left the room suddenly.

    Unbeknown to her, she had just experienced an anxiety attack brought on by stress.  However, while there was nothing stressful going on at the time, she later identified the cause.  An unpleasant thought had entered her mind while she was taking dictation, causing fear to take over forcing her to leave the office.

    Upon further examination, it was determined the stress in her home life simply became too much, and filtered its way in to her working day.

    This happens all too often and vice versa, where work stresses can filter in to your family life causing arguments. health issues and in some cases total disconnection from your loved ones!

    If stress is getting you down, examine the cause.  Determine the origin and discuss it with a professional or a loved one.  Stress, if not acted upon, can cause serious health problems.  Avoid it wherever and whenever you can.

    You can learn more about reducing stress in our Personal Transformation Mastery self-study course.

    If you need any further help reducing stress or creating healthier habits to move you towards success you can email me or take a look at the services we offer here. Using the FLOAT system we take our clients from Chaos to Calm in both life and business and help you create the success you deserve.

    You can also come and join us over on Facebook in The Positivity Hub, where we talk all things, mindset, confidence and positivity.