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When you’re battling your own Self Worth

When you’re battling your own Self Worth

I was stuck, so stuck that I felt like I was sitting on the Merry go round getting dizzy, unable to get off, feeling sick and wondering if I was the only one. Thinking, there must be more to life than this!

I’d just found out that my current employer wasn’t going to accept my flexible working request, despite having accepted it when I had my first child. I was 37 and coming to the end of my maternity leave with my second child. I was looking to work 3 days in the office and 1 day from home, which was feasible, I’d done it in the past and it had gone well, at least I had thought so. But when my request was rejected, one of the reasons was that it hadn’t worked before – news to me!!

I didn’t go without a fight. I was the first to ever ask for flexible working after having children. It was a male dominated industry at the time and no-one else had any children.

So, I was left with two young children and no job to return to and I began to feel my self worth plummet. I started to feel like ‘just mum’. I’d been employed full time since I was 16. I had no idea what it was like to not work. It felt scary, but at the same time I was relieved that I hadn’t given in to being forced back in to full-time employment when I wanted to be there for my children too.

I wondered if it was true, what I’d been told, that you can’t have both! You can’t have a successful career and have children! I’d heard this time and time again and seen it happen over and over.

I remember having dinner with a friend, who I had worked with in PR and she mentioned to me about starting my own business and that I could run my own Virtual Assistant business with all the skills and knowledge I had. I was very hesitant. I’d tried some of the direct selling businesses and it hadn’t been for me, so I wondered if this would be either. I was used to being held accountable, to being guided and given work. I didn’t consider myself to be someone who could be motivated enough to get up every day and do it for myself. I imagined myself putting everything off all the time and watching daytime TV. After all whilst I was on maternity I did a lot of this, along with snoozing and living in my tracky b’s.

For a while I ignore the nagging thoughts in my mind that there must be more to life, that having kids surely didn’t mean this was the end of me as an individual person, that in fact it wasn’t true that after kids you stayed home, or got a 3 day a week local job that gave zero satisfaction apart from money at the end of the month!

I realised that I wanted more

I had worked for years, building up my experience, being really good at what I did. Every job I’d ever really wanted I had got. I wanted to feel valued again, my self-worth was plummeting fast and I was beginning to lose belief in myself. That I could even be anything more than a mum.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my children. They are without doubt the best thing that ever happened to me and I wanted to be with them. My mum guilt at this point was also high. I’d wanted children for so long and now I had them, I still wanted more! I began to question why? I started to believe that I was ungrateful and I was wrong for wanting more. I come from a childhood where you get what you’re given and asking for more was a definite no, so my limiting beliefs kicked in and as a result I put off doing anything.

Instead, I started applying for local part-time jobs in schools, estate agents and any other local company looking for part-time staff. I had zero success. I had always been really employable, but here I was 38 with two young children and all of a sudden no-one was coming back to me, no-one was interested! I couldn’t work out why and my self-belief hit a new low!

They were right. Everything I’d been told as I’d grown up was true. When I’d worked in recruitment for a short while, my boss had even said “employers look for women under 30, because they know shortly after that they’ll be looking to have kids and then they’ll be a liability” and those words ran through my mind. I was destined to struggle and settle for whatever was coming and I was to stay on the merry go around forever wondering what if!!!

Then one day, when I was feeling particularly BLAH about it all, I spoke to my dad about what my friend had said that day about doing it for myself. My dad had run his own IT business for 10 years, and he asked me ‘what have you got to lose?’ And he was right. I had absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain.

3 months later I was in business!! I could hardly believe it. I’d done it. I’d gone for it and I was doing it.

I was massively out of my comfort zone. I had no idea what networking was, I’d heard of a business plan but the thought of having one seemed way too grown up for me. I’d never considered myself the BOSS before and although I came from a media and PR background, marketing myself was scary as hell. I come from a ‘children should be seen a not heard’ background. The one where going to a restaurant meant being quiet and sitting perfectly still. How on earth was I going to put myself out there. Telling people to work with me because I am brilliant at what I do was a huge stumbling block – again my conditioning was ‘not to show off’ no-one wants to hear about that’ the list goes on.

I loved being in business though. I was already enjoying being my own boss, making my own decisions and the feeling of being a proper valued adult again!

I learnt so much in my first year. The biggest thing I learnt was that my purpose was not what I was doing. The real Faye was a problem solver. The girl everyone goes to when they have a problem. The friend who’s always there to rationalise and help people think differently. I was destined to take a different path,

so I embarked on my own journey. I had always been a bit of a negative Nelly, my whole life. Critical and quick to jump in with a reason not to do something. I was very cautious and risk taking was never for me. Cue that conditioning again.

I started by asking my friends to describe me in 3 words and they came back with, good listener, loyal, always there, voice of reason etc. And all of these matched what I already knew, so I took a leap of faith again. This was all so unlike me, and I enrolled in my Coaching training and not only did this take me on my own mindset journey, it also gave me the skills, knowledge and qualifications to help others do the same and I’ve never looked back!

My journey is on going and as a result I have even more qualifications, more than I ever achieved at school. School wasn’t for me!

I now regularly step out of my comfort zone. Remember I lived here for years, keeping myself stuck in fear. Living the what if life!! I am now more positive Patsy then negative Nelly. I still live in the what if, only now it’s what if it works, what if I can…..and as a result my business is going from strength to strength. I am now fully in alignment with myself and my business is fully aligned with the life I want to create for myself and my family.

If my story resonates with you. If you want to fully align yourself with who you’re meant to be or you’re in business, but just not getting where you want to be, let’s have a chat. 

 

5 Tips On How To Build Self Confidence Today

5 Tips On How To Build Self Confidence Today

There are very few people who could call themselves perfect and be right. Most of us need to build self confidence today, but the majority just either ignore the issues or concentrate on the negatives: stress, worry, jobs, money problems and relationship issues. Concentrating on these areas drains our self confidence rather than improving it.

If you could improve your self confidence you could make more money, look and feel better physically, or just be more relaxed with other people. Below there are five simple techniques that have been proved to help build self confidence today.

1. Talk to yourself. It sounds crazy but it works. All of us have a running monologue constantly in our heads, whether we realize it or not. Everything we see, hear, or touch sparks off an immediate dialog in our thoughts.

For those who lack confidence this monologue is filled with negative messages many of which are the negative side of adverts from television, radio, advertisement boardings, newspapers, and just overhearing other people talk.

These negative thoughts literally suck energy from our minds and bodies and block the flow of positive messages. We need to hear the positive messages as they will build self confidence today and raise our self esteem. Take control. Use your inner thoughts to talk to yourself in a positive manner, as often as you can.

As an example one of my regular sayings is “I like myself, I like myself, I like myself”. I just repeat it for a couple of minutes. It sounds cheesy, but does build self confidence today – Try it. I bet that if you go to the mirror right now and repeat out loud “I like myself!” 50 times, it will be impossible to keep from smiling.

2. Dress as smartly and as classy as you can. You won’t feel at your best if you don’t look your best. You will be amazed at just how much more confidence you will have just looking your best. It just feels good when you are wearing your best clothes, are well groomed, and are surrounded by a clean environment. So what if it is Saturday, you need to build self confidence today not next week. Put on your nice clothes, get the car washed, style that hair! A hairdresser once told me “Everyday is show time!”. Forget about saving clothes for special occasions. I used to do this all the time and ended up never wearing half of my wardrobe for fear of spoiling it….what’s that all about. Every day is a special occasion, so get wearing those beautiful clothes you’ve never dared to wear!

3. Increase your self esteem even more by giving thanks to what you are, how you look, and what you are doing. Say “thank you” to yourself to everything you see, all whom you meet, and each smile that you receive.

4. Stand or sit correctly: How you stand sends out a message to the World, and in turn, back to you. This results in improving how you feel about yourself and will build self confidence today and every day.

There is scientific evidence that shows how posture affects our mood. Do not slouch. Slouching produces a down mood. By slouching you are telling the world and yourself it doesn’t matter, you don’t matter. Standing tall and upright will actually lift your mood. Help build up your confidence by pulling back those shoulders, stop that slouch, and walk proud.

5. Smile. Just smile and things seem better somehow. Practice smiling regularly and get your facial muscles used to the physical act of smiling.

Go to the mirror and smile – make yourself. Not a grimace, but a proper smile. If you don’t think you can try this:

  1. Open your eyes as wide as you can – (try and get your eyebrows right up to you hair line)
  2. Slightly open your mouth
  3. Pull the corners of your mouth back towards your ears (If your not sure pull them back with your fingers so you know what it feels like then try again without your fingers).
  4. Repeat 50 times. Get your facial muscles used to smiling and you will smile more and encourage smiles from others. This will make you feel happier and with that you’ll build self confidence today.

 

To find out more about how you can build your own self-confidence go to our website or find us on Facebook

Do You Know Who You Really Are?

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Do you really know yourself?

It is becoming more and more apparent that so many of us in today’s society are struggling with who we really are. Many of us are loosing ourselves after having children and then again once we hit a certain age……this is definitely true for myself. My husband has also struggled with this in recent times.

I am very happy to say that I am now 100% confident in knowing who I am, having gone back to look at who I was before parenthood, my likes, dislikes etc, plus I’ve been trying some new activities and interests. Change is always happening around us and we also need to embrace changes within us as we grow as individuals and our lives change due to age and circumstance.

Knowing yourself means that you know what path is right for you. You no longer seek approval or permission from others. You are confident to stand alone and be your true-self no matter what outside influences are trying to tell you.

This path is so often blocked by Limiting beliefs that knock confidence and self-belief. The journey to self discovery can be a long, lonely and sometimes difficult road, but once you have completed the journey it feels so worth while. I felt that I lost myself even further when I first started. I doubted who I had ever been, as some of my past interests just didn’t work for me anymore. I felt numb through some parts of the journey, mainly due to my limiting beliefs. Some of which I was already aware of and others that I had to delve really deep within myself to discover and deal with.

Finding YOU is a massive change for most of us, but it’s the best change you will ever make!

You will know where you fit and where you are meant to be going…..now, who doesn’t want that for themselves?

Below are a few ways that I took to figure out where I am going and who I truly AM:

  1. Firstly, simply write down what your life values are – we all have them, but very rarely sit down and notice what they are. knowing are values is fundamental to a happier and more fulfilled life.
  2. Ask yourself this question – WHO AM I? write down who you are now in this moment. This will be hard at first.
  3. Write down your FEARS? be completely honest with yourself. Your fears are strongly connected to your ‘limiting belief system’ and this is what’s holding you back from making the necessary changes.
  4. Think about and write down any outside influences. Are the goals that you’ve been setting yourself really YOURS, or do they belong to family, friends or fellow colleagues!
  5. Who do you spend the majority of your time with? It is said that ‘you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’. Are you mixing in the right circles where people are lifting you up, OR are you being drained by other people’s negative energy?

This exercise can trigger some big changes, don’t be scared of making them, you owe it to yourself to be your best YOU and llimiting beliefsive a happier and more fulfilled life as the REAL you. You’re only on this earth once, so make it count.

If you’d like to delve deeper and are not sure if you want to do this alone, then please feel free to contact me here for a FREE discovery call.