Would you love to know how you can gain better perspective in any situation?
I’m here to tell you that it is possible and it’s a lot simpler than you may think.
We all find ourselves in situations where we may disagree with other people, and 9 times out of 10 when we’re in these situations we see things differently. We see things differently from the other person because of our map of the world, how we see things, our beliefs, our values and the experiences we’ve had in our life up until that point.
So today I want to give you a quick NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) technique that I use in my practice, to help you be able to see things from other people’s point of view, so you can put yourself in other people’s shoes in any situation. I call this the three pillars of perspective (also known as Perceptual Positions). You can physically do this and practice this technique over an over in preparation for when you find yourself in any given situation.
To start off with, there are three positions in the three pillars of perspective, position one, is you. That’s your position within any given situation or conversation, second position is the person you may be having that discussion with, It could be a situation at work, it could be something in your personal life, business, any given situation. A lot of the time you will find that this could be a 1 on 1 conversation, and you’re unable to see somebody else’s point of view. The third position, you are going to become a neutral participant within the conversation. You’re going to be the person who looks on the situation as an outsider, from a totally neutral perspective.
So how does it work?
To begin with, you can set up three different chairs in your living room, kitchen, at work in a conference room, wherever you happen to be. You can do this by yourself, you can also help your colleagues and employees do this, so when they’re in negotiations and communicating with other members of staff, or they’re trying to close a deal, any of those kinds of things, you can use this. Practise with them regularly.
Position 1 – Start off sitting in the first person’s chair so at this point you’re looking at things from your own perspective. Close your eyes and think of a situation that you may have found yourself in recently where you’re having a conversation, and the perspectives have been different, think back to the conversation that you were having and picture exactly what happened, what was said? How did you see things? How did the conversation go through your own eyes? Sit with that for a moment. Then I want you to do what we call in NLP which is break that state. So, open your eyes, think of something totally different, outside of the conversation, it might be what you’re having for dinner. It might be what your next meeting is. Just think about something entirely different.
And at that point, pick yourself up and move over to another chair, and this chair will be the second position.
Position 2 – Now you’re the other person in the conversation. When you’re ready, sit in that chair, close your eyes and put yourself in that person’s situation. Go back to the conversation, but this time you’re looking at it from the other persons. How did they see it? Imagine the situation from that person’s point of view, imagine stepping into their body and becoming them, and looking at you through their eyes, through their perspective and think back to what was said. What is their understanding of the situation? How did they see you and your actions in this situation? Once you’ve done that, open your eyes and break state again.
Now move to the third person’s chair.
Position 3 – Now you become the neutral third person. We are now the objective outsider. This person is somebody that you respect, somebody that you admire, somebody that you trust. We’re looking through their eyes now and seeing their perspective. Imagine that you’re watching this like a ‘fly on the wall’. Now it’s helpful here to picture yourself, to close your eyes and picture yourself as looking down on the conversation. We call ‘the helicopter view’, so you’re looking down on the conversation of these two people. You’re looking at something from a completely outside point of view and I want you to ask yourself these questions. How are these two people acting? Are they being fair to one another? Are they actively listening to what the other person is saying? Is the way that they are behaving, or the way that this conversation is going resolving anything or coming up with any plan or solution? Is one person being more dominant than the other.? What advice would you as that outside perspective, give both of these people to help them work out their differences?
Once you’ve done that, break state, again.
This is such a powerful tool to enable you to step into other people’s shoes, to see their perspective, but also step outside of the situation altogether and look in from a completely different viewpoint, because 9 times out of 10, that will help you to come up with resolutions and totally different answers to the ones that you were coming up with before when you’re only looking at something from your perspective.
It’s incredibly useful in life, your career and even in business for any situation you may find yourself in.
After doing this exercise, take a few minutes just to write down those different perspectives, write down what came out of that. What did you learn about yourself having done it? What did you learn about the other person? How do you want to move forward from here?
Like I said, this is a really great and very simple exercise that you can practice either yourself, with family members, with friends, with colleagues, so that you can deal with Conflict better and get better results for yourself and others.
Faye Cox Coaching – BELIEVING IN YOU UNTIL YOU DO TOO! If you’d like some support so you too can start believing in yourself, you can have a chat with me here
You can also subscribe to my You-Tube Channel where I release a brand new video each week talking about gaining perspective, limiting beliefs, changing the way you think and much more….
Now you might be surprised at how often during the day you focus on a negative thought. The average person has 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. So it’s no surprise that this can get out of hand pretty quickly.
The best thing you can do to stop negative thoughts, is try and become more aware of those times that you are thinking in a negative manner.
Your life is a reflection of everything you have programmed into your mind over the course of your life up until now. You have been programmed, every second of every day from the very minute that you are born. You’re being programmed with both your internal thoughts, and your external thoughts. Those internal thoughts are the ones that drive you. And in a nutshell, you are what you think you are.
Now your unconscious beliefs and thought patterns, literally shape the whole world around you, each and every second. Much like a broken record, your thoughts get stuck on what your problems are. And you can then lose the ability to break out of this negative cycle. This never ending cycle becomes your way of life. So you literally think yourself into creation. This then becomes the song that you sing, and the dance that you dance when you’re stuck in a cycle of despair. When we’re stuck in this cycle, all we can really do and all you’re actually really doing is expanding the presence and giving more power to that despair. You’re tightening its grip on you until it gets to a point where your mind is controlling you, when what we want to do is we want to totally flip it so that you are in control of your mind.
That brings me nicely on to my five quick tips to help you change your thoughts – You can watch the video here!
Tip 1 – Is to identify those automatic negative thoughts that keep coming up again and again. Because your thoughts are directly linked to your feelings and your behaviours as a result of those feelings. So, your thoughts influence how you feel, which influences how you behave, so listening and writing down your negative thought patterns can help increase your awareness. The very first step to anything we do is becoming more aware and writing things down so we’re getting them out of our minds and onto paper. It’s one of the simplest but most effective ways that we can bring these thoughts in to your awareness. So list down those thoughts that keep coming up for you, just simply write them down.
Tip 2 – Is explore the cause of that negative thought process or pattern. These could even relate to your childhood. This could be stuff that has been programmed from such a young age, potentially from your parents. Your parents have always wanted to protect you so there will be certain things that they would have said to you when you were younger, such as, don’t talk to strangers, we all get taught stranger danger when we are younger and that keeps us safe, and it’s really really important to know that as children. But as we enter our adult lives and we start to go out and about and we start to meet new people, we start a new job, we’re in business and go networking or we’re wanting to build a wider circle of friends, we have to start getting comfortable with talking to people we don’t know. And this completely goes against that belief that we have been taught not to speak to strangers. And there’s so many different things like that, so we need to catch these thoughts to become aware of them to explore where they come from.
Tip 3 – Is to keep a record of those negative thoughts and try and come up with words or phrases that counteract it. So if we go back to where we might say you can’t do something. In my house, I teach my children not to use the words, I can’t, because the evidence shows that every time they tell themselves they can’t do something, there will have been another time when they have said it and proved themselves wrong and this happens every time, so now we use ‘I’ll give it a go‘ because let’s face it, how do we know if we can do something or not, unless we give it a go. I don’t tend to use the words I’ll try because I find that a bit wishy washy. But if I say to myself or my children say to themselves, I’ll give it a go. It makes you feel good, it’s an empowering kind of statement, it totally changes your state, and how you feel about something than saying, I can’t.
Tip 4 – is to use a tool such as NLP, or affirmations to help you think more positively. Now, through my series of videos, all of the videos that I create, are all to do with using my coaching and NLP techniques so if you subscribe to my You Tube channel to watch all my other videos, you’ll start to learn a lot more of these techniques to help you create more success in life but also to help you change the way you think and start believing in yourself more. List at least 10 negative thoughts that you’re having a day. This takes a little bit of time but as does everything. If you want anything to change. You have to practice. Repetition Repetition Repetition, the brain loves repetition. Now turn those thoughts on their head and creating a statement that better supports you .
Tip 5 – is chunking or breaking large amounts of information down into smaller pieces. Now sometimes our negative thoughts can be big thoughts they can be those ones that are ingrained from years and years of that negative repetition. And in order to reframe them and change them into a more positive, we may have to chunk them down. It’s like with any goal or anything that we’re trying to achieve, if you try and deal with something that is too big, all in one go. You’re going to get to a point where you’re banging your head against a brick wall, you’ll feel like you’re failing and can’t do it It sends you into overwhelm, so rather than carrying on and dealing with it. You give up. So, pick that bigger thought apart into smaller ones and deal with those smaller ones. Once you’ve done that you can chunk it back up, so that you can see the bigger picture of what it was that’s going on.
Practice these tips often until it becomes so natural that you can do it automatically in minutes. Use a journal to help if needs be. I have my own personal journal that you can purchase here.
Faye Cox Coaching – BELIEVING IN YOU UNTIL YOU DO TOO! If you’d like some support so you too can start believing in yourself, you can have a chat with me here
When I speak to people about Personal Development, they automatically assume that I’m talking out deep diving in their inner world and digging out their limiting beliefs and baggage.
Although this is something that I do work on, Personal Development can do so much more.
So, here are my top benefits to starting your personal development journey today.
Now the first one is increased earning potential. Now who out there, doesn’t want to be earning more money, whether that be in their own business, in the corporate world, or in general in anything that you are looking to be achieve.
The second one is standing out from the crowd, now working on your own personal development, looking at your own personal values, your goals and boundaries. Getting all that set-in place and starting on that journey will help you stand out from the crowd because it will assist with Confidence building.
That brings us on to improving confidence. Now I think we can all be honest and say that we’d all like a little bit more confidence. We may have confidence in certain areas, because we’re used to doing things. We may lack that confidence in other areas where we need to learn a little bit more, where we haven’t done things for as long as those other things. So, I think there’s always room to increase confidence, and going on your personal development journey will increase that confidence in any area, your life or your business, or whether or in general, increasing your self-belief. Now for me, increasing my self-belief was one of the key things to me looking at when I decided to embark on my professional and personal development journey. Before I started there is no way I would be doing half the things I’m now doing, like creating You Tube channel, being visible in my business or being totally true to myself. So having done that myself, it’s one of the reasons I’m here talking to you about it now.
I know that most people will agree that they’d like to improve their relationships. Now whether that relationship be with a partner, your children, any other family members, friends, or even more importantly, which is the first and foremost relationship we have, and that is the relationship we have with ourselves. So, in order to improve those relationships, we need to improve our communication with ourselves and others and personal development can help you with that.
I think you will agree that we all want to be healthier and happier. When you look at yourself and you start to go in and look at those things such as those beliefs that you may have that you may want to get rid of, when you look at how you want to move forward in life. What do you want to take with you? What are the things you want to change in life?
Change is difficult.
We all find change a little bit scary, but once you start making those changes, more changes become a lot easier, which ties back into gaining confidence. I speak to a lot of people who talk about eating healthier, talking about being healthier, wanting to be happy, but then not taking those first steps to achieving it. There’s a lot of talking the talk but not walking the walk, and when you start to walk the walk, that’s when everything changes for you.
And finally, discovering your true values and your true purpose, what is it that you are here to do? What were you put on this planet to do? Now I know there are people out there who are already living their purpose, their career is everything they’ve always wanted to do. They wouldn’t dream of doing anything else. They feel empowered by it, they’re still fulfilled.
But there are a lot of people out there and I was definitely one of those people who was just going to work, I was just doing the do all of the time, and I came to a point in my life where I felt totally unfulfilled, and I’ll be completely honest, this was after I had my own children, that I sort of realised there must be more to life than this, and that’s when I started my own journey, and that’s how I became a Coach, because I looked at my true values, who I really was, what I was here to do, and it came so naturally, which again comes back into that self-belief and confidence. When we look at this all as a whole, these benefits of personal development all feed into one another.
If you’ve been thinking about going on your own Personal Development journey and would like some help to get started, you can give me a call or drop me an email at email@example.com
There’s not a business owner out there who doesn’t want to increase their pricing!
By building self confidence in this area, you can start charging what you’re worth.
Sometimes consultants and other service providers are hesitant though to charge a fair rate for their services. Is this you?
Maybe you feel that the services you provide are so basic that you really can’t justify charging much or anything at all for them.
Perhaps you feel that you don’t have the knowledge or experience that other business owners have.
Thus, you hesitate to charge fair rates because of a lack of self confidence. This is natural (especially for new business owners). However, what you know and do has real value.
To stay in business, you need to charge a fair price for all your services. Fair means fair to the client but also fair to you. It’s also important to know who your target audience is so that you can make sure you’re pricing your services according to your potential clients budget.
You can easily enjoy increased fees when you boost confidence and improve self esteem.
1. Don’t Take Your Skills for Granted
First of all, we tend to take our assets for granted. If you are an expert bookkeeper and good with numbers, you may feel it’s easy to do the work you do. Yes, it’s easy for you but not for others, so remember that.
You may have an aptitude for what you do. You may have a gift that others don’t have. Perhaps, through hard work and applying yourself, you have developed a marketable skill.
Second, even if someone were fairly good with numbers, it might not be a good use of time for that person to do the bookkeeping. By outsourcing this work, time can be more productively spent on other activities crucial to their business.
Bookkeeping may seem pretty basic but if you ask your accountant to do it for you, he’s going to charge you extra. Why? It takes his (or his staff’s) time.
Your services may also improve your client’s bottom line. That being the case, your client is profiting from your services.
So, by realistically evaluating the value of your skills and other assets, you can boost confidence for increased fees.
2. Increased Fees Despite Inexperience
Just because there are people more knowledgeable and experienced than you, doesn’t mean that you can’t charge for what you can do.
Sometimes you might feel inadequate because you know you are still learning. You realise that you don’t know everything there is to know about your field. Remember no-one expects you to know everything. You’re human, as they are. It’s more important to have the resources around you to find out what you don’t know than it is to actually know it all.
We’re all still learning! Many people are out there charging more than you who actually have less knowledge and experience than you – WHY? – because they have done the work to improve confidence around their pricing and self worth.
If you know some things that your client doesn’t and you can help him improve his business, then you can offer a valuable service. An expert is the person who knows more than everyone else in the average room. So, you could be in a room of 6 people and you would be the expert in something.
Never under-estimate the value of your services. Again, self confidence can lead you to easily enjoy increased fees.
3. Increased Fees for Additional Services
Many feel that their clients wouldn’t pay extra for certain additional services offered. Is this you?
How do you know? Have you even asked your current clients or potential clients? Always ask your clients and ideal clients what they want and what services they would find valuable. So many businesses owners get this the wrong way around. By asking these questions you can make sure that you’re delivering what they actually want and know that they will pay your price for giving them that much needed value.
Always think about how your services can help improve the profitability of your client’s business if you’re targeting B2B, or know what they’re true pain points are if you’re targeting B2C?
Selling value-added services is one way to obtain an edge over your competitors. For example, a web designer who is knowledgeable about search engine optimisation could help increase their client’s targeted web traffic which could result in increased sales and profits.
In summary: Don’t take your skills for granted. Lack of experience doesn’t mean that you have nothing to offer. Charge for all your services and Yes, confidence building and building self esteem will definitely result in increased fees for you.
Unfortunately, there are many times in our lives when stress creeps in and causes great angst. Life is busy and work, kids, school and responsibilities can seem overwhelming at times.
74% of UK adults have felt so stressed at some point over the last year they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope.
81% of women said this compared to 67 percent of men. 83% of 18-24 year-olds said this compared to 65 percent of people aged 55 and over. (Source: mentalhealth.org.uk)
Do you feel that your stress is getting you down?
Here are some tips to help deal with stress and its after-effects.
Stress has become a major cause of anxiety and panic attacks. If not dealt with, it can have an incapacitating effect on your life. More often than not, most people with A-type personalities are prime candidates for stress induced symptoms. The perfectionism they seek in everything they do never quite measures up to their expectations. This is not a perfect world; and it’s time those who live in it realize they aren’t perfect either, and nor should they be.
Most people deal with stress in different ways; either they ignore the initial problem which caused it; retreat within themselves or fall apart. However, those who recognize the signs nip it in the bud before it completely takes over. Using simple exercises can relieve the onset of stress. For example: While sitting at your desk at work, breathing exercises can bring you back to a calm state. Going outside for some fresh air also helps.
Walking or running for 20 minutes can release endorphins which relieve stress. Listening to classical music lowers the blood pressure and brings calm within.
Sometimes, however, stress reveals itself in other ways. Light headedness, an inability to focus, feelings of pressure and palpitations are all symptoms of stress. Moreover, continued stress can produce anxiety, panic, and the fight or flight syndrome. Here is one such case of how stress can simply overwhelm and, in some cases, debilitate.
A secretary was called into her administrator’s office, which was quite large and comfortable. As she was taking dictation, she suddenly found it hard to breathe; began to lose focus; and a queasy feeling in her stomach emerged. She could no longer concentrate and left the room suddenly.
Unbeknown to her, she had just experienced an anxiety attack brought on by stress. However, while there was nothing stressful going on at the time, she later identified the cause. An unpleasant thought had entered her mind while she was taking dictation, causing fear to take over forcing her to leave the office.
Upon further examination, it was determined the stress in her home life simply became too much, and filtered its way in to her working day.
This happens all too often and vice versa, where work stresses can filter in to your family life causing arguments. health issues and in some cases total disconnection from your loved ones!
If stress is getting you down, examine the cause. Determine the origin and discuss it with a professional or a loved one. Stress, if not acted upon, can cause serious health problems. Avoid it wherever and whenever you can.
If you need any further help reducing stress or creating healthier habits to move you towards success you can email me or take a look at the services we offer here. Using the FLOAT system we take our clients from Chaos to Calm in both life and business and help you create the success you deserve.
You can also come and join us over on Facebook in The Positivity Hub, where we talk all things, mindset, confidence and positivity.
Have you ever had a negative thought? Of course you have, we all have negative thoughts. We have between 50-70,000 thoughts each and every day. Have you ever uttered it out loud, even in jest? Of course you have. Negative thinking can be damaging not only to our self-esteem, but can begin a cycle of thought and behaviour which negatively impacts our own perception of events in our lives.
Perhaps you’ve been assigned a special project at work. You’re confident in taking it on, but upon completion you notice one tiny error. You begin to berate the way in which you handled the project, even though the error was not significant. While your boss is telling you what a great job you’ve done, you begin to make excuses for it. Your negativity has belittled the entire project, and magnified one area of it.
What steps can you take to avoid this pattern? Take a step back and look at the project objectively. Not only did you complete it in an efficient manner, but it will become the template for future projects. Forget about the mistake; think about what you’ve achieved. Focus on what went right, not what went wrong.
The holidays are approaching, and you need to begin cleaning the whole house ready. You look around and decide it’s just too much; you can’t do it; why bother. Stop! Take a deep breath and consider dividing up the tasks. Get your family involved to help by giving each one a specific job. Once you begin the process of prioritising, you will feel better and it will get done.
You’ve started a diet before your holiday. One day, you have a craving for a particular dessert. You quickly decide your diet is over, and it wasn’t worth the effort. You walk over to the mirror and utter to yourself, “I’m fat, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Setting yourself up for failure by thinking negatively about the way you look does not solve the immediate problem. Instead, admit to cheating; promise you’ll try harder, and allow positive thoughts to guide you through.
Improving your self-talk and re-framing your beliefs relating to it can help you think your way to a better you.
Once you discover the belief that is holding you back you can start to challenge and re-frame it.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to challenge that belief
Why do I believe this is true?
Where did these beliefs come from?
What is it that’s holding me back from achieving success?
What can I do to change it?
Re-framing your thoughts in to positive ones is incredibly powerful and once you’ve cracked the habit of doing it, it becomes easier to catch those daily negative thoughts, stop them and give yourself a more positive thought in its place.
If you need any help creating better, healthier thoughts to move you towards success you can email me or take a look at the services we offer here. Using the FLOAT system we take our clients from Chaos to Calm in both life and business and help you to create the success you deserve.